Harriette Cole: After they married, she showed a different side of herself

DEAR HARRIETTE My younger brother got married last year This is his first marriage and he s in his s Related Articles Harriette Cole Now that I ve proposed I m getting worried about marrying her Harriette Cole I can no longer pretend my son s path doesn t worry me Harriette Cole I caught my neighbor on my porch and her reaction was suspicious Harriette Cole She pretended not to notice that she d stained my dress Harriette Cole I worry about taking my foul-mouthed husband to work events In a few techniques I think getting married later can be a bit easier You know what you want you know your boundaries and you are likely more established professionally and financially I think in particular strategies that rang true for my brother but I think after they made things official his wife has shown him different sides of herself She moved into my brother s longtime home when they got married and is now requesting that he purchase something new with more space despite having two spare bedrooms in their current home She works full-time but does not want to contribute to any bills My brother seems somber He ll talk to me about the pressure sometimes but he tries his best not to express anger or resentment He d been planning for early retirement but is now reworking his plans with the intention of staying in the workforce a bit longer How can I advocacy my brother as he tries to handle this new pressure gracefully Sister-in-Law DEAR SISTER-IN-LAW While marriage does require compromise not every requirement or request has to be honored It s too bad that your brother and his wife didn t talk about these things beforehand and map out a plan for the future especially something as key as where they want to live Obviously you cannot control what he does but you might recommend to him that the two of them sit down and review their goals for the future based on available guidance requirements and desires It seems reasonable that if she wants them to buy a bigger house she should be willing to contribute This is their life though and they must determine responsibilities and choices DEAR HARRIETTE You advised Working Hard the man who was in a high-demand surroundings to tell his girlfriend that his job requires him to give That leaves for others or even himself That may be OK if it is time-boxed for example if the boss says We have a new client and will be hiring a band member to take the extra work and he has learned from this how to better manage his maximum and how to meet client expectations But if he cannot figure out how to get his life back into specific balance e g hire a partner set clearer expectations with new clients learn to say no or negotiate vs automatically saying yes to a client and therefore no to his girlfriend he should not be pretending to be in a relationship and should let her go on with her life until he is established and ready to be present in a relationship Response to Working Hard Related Articles Miss Manners How does one thank the person who detected a relative s body Dear Abby Is this woman stalking my fiance Asking Eric My in-laws say I turn them away but they don t get what s going on in our lives Harriette Cole Now that I ve proposed I m getting worried about marrying her Miss Manners Who was wrong in the escalator tiff me or the young man DEAR RESPONSE TO WORKING HARD Good point My suggestion of supporting him during this critical moment was based on a short-term vision not forever There are several professions that require total immersion for a limited period of time If a partner is willing to wait that out and be there for the hard worker life can be sweet afterward You are right This type of total immersion cannot last forever at least not for a relationship to survive Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO