Harriette Cole: He says he wasn’t himself on our disastrous first date. Must I give him another chance?

DEAR HARRIETTE In recent times I went on a first date with a guy I met through mutual friends and honestly it was a mishap Related Articles Harriette Cole My co-workers don t know this secret about our horrible boss Harriette Cole We re supposed to return to the office and that s a dilemma for me Harriette Cole Is it time to file a complaint about the neighbors or will that make it worse Harriette Cole She thinks her kids are so much better than mine Harriette Cole I petitioned my boyfriend where he was going with no shirt on He proved up late spent preponderance of the time talking about himself and made a scant offhand comments that rubbed me the wrong way I left the date feeling disappointed and convinced there was no real connection Now he s been texting me nonstop apologizing and saying he was nervous and not acting like his true self He keeps asking for a second chance saying he really likes me and wants to make a better impression A part of me appreciates the accountability and effort but I also don t want to ignore the red flags I felt in my gut I m torn between giving him the benefit of the doubt and trusting my first impression How do I know if I m being too quick to judge or if I d just be wasting more of my time Bad Date DEAR BAD DATE Trust your instincts You can forgive him and not go out with him again Tell him you accept his apology but you are not interested in a second date The end DEAR HARRIETTE My husband and I haven t been able to get a good night s rest in over a year My -year-old daughter still insists on sleeping in our bed with us almost every night and I m at a loss for what to do It started a sparse years ago when she had a few nightmares and I let her sleep with us to help her feel safe Now it s become a habit that neither of us can seem to break She gets upset when we try to get her to sleep in her own room and I feel guilty pushing her away Sometimes it just feels easier to give in especially after a long day I know she demands to learn independence and feel confident sleeping on her own My husband and I also want our own space back since it s starting to affect our sleep and overall stress levels How can we transition her back to her own bed without causing more anxiety or making her feel like we re rejecting her Independent Sleep DEAR INDEPENDENT SLEEP According to the Child Mind Institute you have to set firm boundaries around sleep for your child or else you may never get her to sleep in her own room Related Articles Dear Abby I got this new shirt and now women won t leave me alone Asking Eric Part of my family was snubbed Should I go to the party anyway Dear Abby Their kids and the baby are ruining our bar time Asking Eric How do I fix this neighbor concern without coming off as a Karen Harriette Cole My co-workers don t know this secret about our horrible boss First talk to her about whatever anxiety she may have about sleeping alone Ask her to name what is going on Since it has become a pattern for her to cuddle up with you and your husband it may now be about seeking that comfort rather than alleviating fear You have to establish that she now must sleep in her own room You can start by stating the rule establishing a specific bedtime and then being in the room with her until she falls asleep Ideally sit in a chair next to her not on her bed Consider something called fading where you start seated near her and over time inch your way to a space outside the room with your chair Wean her off of her reliance on you If and when she comes to your room lead her back to her room right away It will take time but it can work and it is necessary Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO