Harriette Cole: Is it unrealistic to date a man who lives more than an hour away?

DEAR HARRIETTE I ve been dating my boyfriend for about six months now and things have been going really well Related Articles Harriette Cole It was funny when we googled my new boyfriend and then it wasn t Harriette Cole My husband gripes all the time but won t speak up for himself Harriette Cole My kids are starting to notice their cousins get treated better Harriette Cole How can I tell my uncle he s damaging his kid Harriette Cole She wants a job with my company but I ve heard about her mistakes The only issue is that while we both live in New York City he lives in Brooklyn and I live in Washington Heights Manhattan and the trip is usually over an hour sometimes longer if the trains are delayed or rerouted which happens more often than I d like We both have demanding work schedules so coordinating time together can be tricky and it feels like one of us is constantly sacrificing sleep or rearranging our routine just to voyage across the city On nights when I get home after midnight from visiting him I wonder if I can realistically keep this up in the long term I genuinely care about my boyfriend and enjoy our time together but the distance sometimes makes our relationship feel more like a logistical puzzle than something spontaneous and fun Friends keep telling me that dating across boroughs is like dating long-distance and I m starting to see what they mean Is it realistic to keep dating someone who lives so far away in this city or am I setting myself up for future frustration Dating Long-Distance DEAR DATING LONG-DISTANCE It s all about perspective Yes it takes a big effort for you two to be together The same is true for people who live across states countries and oceans While you may lose out on spontaneity what you can gain from continuing to choose each other is a deepening of your relationship and figuring out if the effort is worth it It may not sound like fun but consider creating a schedule for when you will see each other You don t have to schedule what you re going to do just that you ll be together At particular point you may also start thinking about how serious this relationship is and whether you want to take it to the next level i e moving closer living together or even marriage DEAR HARRIETTE My parents have started dropping hints that when they retire they d like to move in with me They say it would make financial sense for all of us and that it would be nice to have the family under one roof again While I love them dearly and appreciate everything they ve done for me the truth is that I ve consistently looked forward to having my own independent space I worked hard to build a life where I can live on my own terms and the idea of having my parents move in feels overwhelming I also worry that if I say yes it could strain our relationship in methods we haven t experienced before At the same time I don t want to hurt their feelings or come across as ungrateful after all the sacrifices they ve made for me How do I set healthy boundaries and gently let them know that I d prefer to keep my home separate without damaging our relationship I want to be honest with them but I m afraid the conversation could create long-lasting tension Moving In Related Articles Miss Manners This evil woman will be at the funeral and I need to know my options Dear Abby My ex gave his dog to a family and didn t tell them about the biting Asking Eric I think my wife should stop trying to fix the kids vacation plan Harriette Cole It was funny when we googled my new boyfriend and then it wasn t Miss Manners I backed out of their birthday trip Do I still have to pay DEAR MOVING IN Think in the long term When might you welcome your parents into your home Would you let them live with you if they desperately needed assistance and couldn t live on their own Counter their suggestion with a timeline Remind them that they raised you to be independent and you are enjoying that independent life now Tell them that you want to live on your own and potentially have a family Right now you do not like the idea of living with them again Suggest that you all reevaluate this option later down the line Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO