Harriette Cole: The wedding is canceled, and she won’t tell me why

DEAR HARRIETTE My best friend and her fiance have decided to call it quits Related Articles Harriette Cole My friend is so secretive about her life that it hurts my feelings Harriette Cole I called my friend out for acting strange and she left the party Harriette Cole It s unfair that my ex-girlfriend described me to move out Harriette Cole I thought we were talking as friends He tried to bill me Harriette Cole My mom and I are offended by the birthday party snub They ve been together for nine or years and have been engaged for the past two They had even begun building their first home together after moving to a new state About a month ago we had a bridesmaids get-together so to my understanding they were still on the same page in terms of getting married Sometime after that I realized they each removed photos of the other from their social media accounts and have since canceled their wedding It was heartbreaking receiving an update like that via email I ve called and texted my friend but she has not been responding to me Other friends are saying the same How can I advocacy my friend through such a complex change that I don t even understand Breakup Mystery DEAR BREAKUP MYSTERY Give your friend space She has a lot to process Text her once a week telling her you love her and are there for her in any way she requirements But don t push DEAR HARRIETTE My -year-old daughter is going through a phase where she feels like she has to match everything her friends do what they wear what they eat the shows they watch the hobbies they re into etc She constantly compares herself to them and puts so much pressure on herself to fit in to the point where she won t even try something new unless she knows it s already popular with her friend group If her friends wear a certain brand she wants the exact same thing If they don t like something suddenly she doesn t either even if she used to love it I understand that middle school can be a tough time and that fitting in feels like the the majority vital thing in the world at that age but I can t help but worry that she s starting to lose her sense of identity by trying so hard to blend in I want to encourage her to think for herself and to be confident in who she is even if that means standing out sometimes or doing something different from the crowd I don t want to stifle her social life or make her feel like I m judging her choices but I do want her to learn that it s OK not to be a sheep How do I talk to her about individuality and self-confidence in a way that she ll definitely hear and take to heart Needing Independence DEAR NEEDING INDEPENDENCE There may be no words that will help open your daughter s eyes This is a time for you to show her that she has options Related Articles Dear Abby My -year-old wants to go live in another state Asking Eric My sister-in-law called me a bully and refuses to enter my home What should I do Harriette Cole My friend is so secretive about her life that it hurts my feelings Miss Manners Is it gauche to give visitors a grand tour of my house Dear Abby My boyfriend embarrassed me by demanding I apologize to the shopper She might not like it but I recommend that you enroll her in an extracurricular activity that requires a lot of her time a sport computer programs or masses facility are great options Force her to do something on her own that will get her to think independently Talk to her teachers See if any of her classes can be changed Something dramatic demands to happen to shake her out of her friends clutches When my daughter was dealing with peer pressure her instructor took her out of the class she shared with a clique the next year She was devastated at first but her schoolwork improved dramatically and her mindset eventually lifted too Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO