Harriette Cole: What I saw at my friend’s place was alarming

DEAR HARRIETTE I m worried about my friend s hygiene and that it might have bigger implications Related Articles Harriette Cole My parents are coming to visit and I m panicking Harriette Cole I keep falling asleep at the office How can I stay alert Harriette Cole My husband keeps talking about leaving LA but I can t go back to suburbia Harriette Cole We just discovered out my sister s irresponsibility could cost us our house Harriette Cole I dread going out of my apartment but I don t want to live anywhere else I m visiting from out of town and I stayed at his place After a sparse days of sightseeing we decided a sabbatical was in order so we stayed in for the next three days I thought it was a healthy choice to relax binge-watch a few movies and indulge in specific snacks but during this time he didn t shower at all and the scent was alarming His bedsheets were unclean and the delivery person for our takeout knew him by name Before staying with him and getting this personal POV of his lifestyle I thought everything was OK but now I wonder if something is wrong I ve heard that sometimes things like overindulging in TV overeating and poor hygiene can be signs of depression How should I approach this Brink of Depression DEAR BRINK OF DEPRESSION Your friend could just be a slob There are people who don t have good hygiene He certainly is one of them but he could also have an emotional dilemma You do not have the training needed to spot the difference Because you are concerned stay in touch with him more Ask him about his life and his goals Talk to him about your plans for the future and encourage him to make specific of his own If you are up for it consider going back to visit so you can check on him This time challenge him about taking a shower and cleaning up Jump in and help him DEAR HARRIETTE My partner and I decided to take a break because I felt consistently unheard in our relationship No matter how a large number of times I tried to express my demands it seemed like they never truly landed and I reached a point where I needed distance for my own emotional well-being Now something heartbreaking has happened His father passed away suddenly Even though we re separated I can t stop thinking about him and what he must be going through A part of me wants to reach out offer promotion and be there for him the way I reliably was when we were together Another part of me wonders if doing that would betray the boundaries I set for myself when I stepped away Should I be there for him in this moment of loss or should I respect the space we agreed on and trust that someone else in his life will show up for him instead Emotionally Available DEAR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE Reach out to him The death of a parent can be devastating for a person If ever there is a time when a person requirements a loved one it is now Related Articles Miss Manners I thought he was offering to pay the bill and things got awkward Dear Abby The babysitting is destroying our marriage Asking Eric My brother is being horrible to us and we don t know why Harriette Cole My parents are coming to visit and I m panicking Miss Manners I lied about why I wasn t drinking and that just dug the hole deeper Contact him Express your condolences Ask if you can do anything to help Be actively supportive At the same time remember that this is a vulnerable time for you and your ex and you will be doing what you invariably do tend to him Chances are he will appreciate you greatly and tender feelings could resurface Do not expect him to change Resist falling back into a relationship with him Help him through this period but then either move on or let him know the conditions under which you would stay Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO